It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Well it's here again, the end of the year. I went through a spell in my late teens and early twenties when I found it difficult to get into the holiday spirit. It seemed mundane, sad even. The end of the year signifies the fleeting nature of time like nothing else. My soul feels addictingly sore, like the misery of pressing one's tongue against a loose tooth as a child. But the past two or three years have slowly relieved me of this strange wintery depression, and I've been re-introducing myself to this magical season again.

I am actually busy this year. While the only parties on my plate since coming home from college have been family get-togethers, this year my schedule is packed with a diverse set of parties. Tonight was the Town of Silverhill's Christmas pot-luck. Of course, I had forgotten all about tonight until around noon today. I had to scurry to the store after work to pick up canned green beans, mushroom soup, and french onions. The only "covered dish" I know how to prepare off the cuff is green bean casserole.

I arrived just in time to eat. For the first time since I started branching out this year, I attended an event and did not feel the least bit awkward. If you've been following my entries, you know that I have been to a few different Chamber of Commerce events and other professional style meetings (like BCALP), with varying degrees of success. It finally appears that putting myself out there is starting to pay off. I'm starting to have fun at these things.

But tonight's town pot-luck was not the only shindig of the season to date. Last Friday night was the Silverhill Christmas parade, which runs through the main street right in front of our office. The Boss always has an open house on that night, and this being my first year full time, I was there. We had snacks in the back and set a table out in front of the office with coffee, hot chocolate and cookies. The office was and still is all decked out in fun holiday attire.

This week I have two more gatherings. The first is a friend's Christmas party, and the second is BCALP's. I've never been to a BCALP Christmas party, but with Dirty Santa and a liquor raffle, it has to be a good time.

While I may seem to be rambling, there is a lesson in here somewhere. I think the lesson is that it's worth it to blaze new ground for yourself, to go out and make new friends and contacts. If I had never joined BCALP or gotten involved with the planning and zoning commission, I would be missing out on two fun crowds and good food this holiday season. And now that I'm finally moving past the awkwardness inherently involved in trying new things, I am finding potential for real relationships with my fellow members of these organizations.

Networking Part II: Rules of the Conference

My favorite quote from this weekend: "I wouldn't trade her for two associates and an undisclosed draft pick." - Attorney's words regarding his paralegal.

This weekend, an old southern hotel by the bay hosted the Alabama Association of Paralegals, Inc. (AAPi) summer conference. Since I live nearby, I thought I would use this opportunity to try AAPi on for size. Below are a few things I learned this weekend, as a newcomer to the networking, career-building, CLE gathering world:

1) Think like a predator. It sounds way more sinister than it really is, but my point is to attack the networking scene with subtle cunning. Instead of approaching an entire group of faces and names you will desperately try and fail to remember all at once, pick them off one by one. The first person I met at the conference was a girl named Kelly, who was sitting alone when I decided to take the seat next to her. We became quick friends. Kelly just happened to know almost everyone else I met this weekend, as they all live in the same area. If I had chosen to sit alone, or if I had chosen to sit next to four or five people who already knew each other, I either would have been isolated from everyone or ignored in favor of familiar faces.

2) Take advantage of cocktail hour. During the meetings and presentations, everyone is trying to appear professional, which can come off as stuffy and insincere. But over drinks, almost everyone loosens up. You don't even have to participate in the drinking, as long as you are there to reap the benefits. Our reception the first night included karaoke. While it is not for everyone, getting up the guts to sing a country song in front of total strangers is oddly freeing. The added benefit is that everyone who watched me belt a tune now has a memory attached to my face and name. As long as you aren't getting sloppy or causing drama, cocktail hour is a great opportunity to interact as individuals with other conference goers and to find people with whom you have shared interests and goals.

3) Engage in the icebreakers. Our big icebreaker game involved a type of scavenger hunt. We had to meet individuals and get their signatures according to directions on a worksheet. For instance, I had to find someone who had previously worked at Wal-Mart, someone who had a pet cat, someone who was born outside of the U.S., etc. This is how I gained my nickname "Miss Blue Eyes" from several of the ladies whose sheets I signed. Like my now famous rendition of "Before He Cheats," this was another way someone may remember me in the future.

4) Fight for your box lunch; you paid for it. This rule applies to non-members of the sponsor organization. I decided I would first try out AAPi before actually joining, so I paid the non-member fee for the conference and my self-titled Introduction Weekend. On the second day, the organization had its annual meeting. I was unsure about the rules, but I was fully prepared not to be in the meeting. After all, I'm not yet a member. But the meeting was a lunch meeting, and the box lunches were in the auditorium along with the AAPi members. I waited in a brief line to the door, where the VP of Membership was checking names from a list. When she asked my name, I told her who I was and added, "I won't be on the list because I'm not a member. I would just like to get my lunch." I gestured to the multitude of paper bags holding what I believed to be delicious sandwiches and probably brownies for dessert. She stared at me blankly. "If you're not a member, you can't come in." "Okay," I stated calmly, "I am fine with not being in the meeting, but I would like to get my lunch if that's okay." It was not okay. "Lunches are for members only," she stated blandly. I felt as if I were speaking an alien language. I quickly tallied a few numbers in my head. "Ma'am, I paid more than the members for this conference, did my money not go toward today's lunch?" Again, nothing. The exact same answer.

I felt my face blushing with a mixture of embarrassment and anger. Embarrassment because this organization I was hoping to become a member of was chastising me for not yet being a member; anger because I'm pretty sure they used at least $4 of my fee on one of those brown bag lunches I saw sitting behind her. But as my face grew hotter, I decided I had better let it go before my voice rose to an unhealthily high pitch. "I guess I will be on my way to pay extra for lunch," I stated as I turned around. Thankfully, one of the seminar committee members saw me turning to go and asked me why. When I told her the problem, she seemed to disagree with the VP Membership and an argument seemed moments from erupting. "Non-members are not allowed in the room at all at this point, " said Miss Membership in her unfriendly yet (I have to give it to her) unfaltering voice. "Well then, maybe I can step in and bring her lunch out to her," countered Miss Committee Member. "She did pay for it." At this point I was mortified and more than willing to slink out to pay extra for my lunch at the hotel's restaurant, but Miss Membership finally gave in and allowed someone to bring a bag out to me.

I am not sure whether they were slaughtering goats in this super secret meeting, or handing out grandma's secret recipe (as my friend Kelly opined), but whatever was going on, I was discouraged from contaminating the atmosphere with my presence way before the meeting even began. I may have eaten alone in the sweltering heat of a southern midday, but by golly, I got my lunch!

Fortunately, this was but one sour moment in a weekend full of delightful experiences.

5) Go to the seminars. We had some very fine speakers at this conference. My favorites were the paralegals-turned-attorneys-who-still-loved-paralegals. I also enjoyed the speaker who excused his technical difficulties with Power Point by explaining that a lawyer, not his paralegal, had helped him put it together. Linda Wolfe, ACP, President of NALA, gave a speech on the current national climate in regards to the paralegal profession. It was perhaps the most encouraging and helpful presentation of the weekend. Still, a question that weighed heavily on my mind was why six out of eight of our speakers were lawyers, and five of those lawyers had never been paralegals. I love attorneys because without them, my career would not exist. I harbor a great deal of respect for lawyers who know how to properly use paralegals and who respect those of us who are passionate about law but not about getting a law license. However, is there some ethical constraint against paralegals giving CLE presentations for paralegals? If not, why are we relying so heavily on lawyers to do this job? While I believe it is necessary, for the mutual understanding of our different and sometimes overlapping roles in the law firm, that attorneys make presentations to paralegals and vice versa as long as it is not a presentation involving legal advice, I do feel that we should rely at least as heavily on the experience and perspective of other paralegals as we rely on attorneys for our growing knowledge base.

I have a host of other stories to go along with this conference - from the delicious breakfasts shared with other conference-goers to the Saturday night outing that caused Sunday to arrive three hours too soon. I feel that this weekend was a success on both personal and professional levels, and I am more than a little sad that it is over.

Networking for Newbies

I am jumping in head first trying to become involved in local paralegal organizations and my own community. It sounds easy, in theory. Show up, meet people, organically meld with those people because you have common jobs, ideas, or goals, and then proceed to work together to make the world a better place. If only.

In two weeks I have four different opportunities to humiliate myself in a vain attempt to network and expand my social and business circle. I am right in the middle of this two week period. The first one occurred tonight, at our local Chamber of Commerce's monthly Business After Hours event. Every month, one business or organization belonging to the Chamber hosts a little shindig after the work day. Sometimes the host provides alcohol, from what I hear.

Let me begin by explaining that I have never been to a Business After Hours event. My Boss only recently had to explain to me that I can go to Chamber events because the business, not just he individually, is a member. So when this event came up and he mentioned it to me, I thought, why not? I'll go mingle, meet people, and eat free food. At least I was right about the free food.

Our tiny, rural town hosted the area-wide Chamber event tonight at the town hall. I can say in full honesty that the food was delicious. Someone had made scalloped potatoes or hashbrowns (whatever they were, they were covered in cheese and possibly sour cream) that caressed my taste buds with soft and smooth flavor. And the chocolate pudding... oh! the chocolate pudding! But this is where the comfort ended.

When I walked in, everyone was wearing a name tag. I should have found one and written my name on it, but I get horrible stage fright in large groups of people I don't know well, and I tend to forget common sense things. I hide it by doing silly and obvious things like walking around the room, alone, with my head held high, daring someone to accuse me of not knowing a soul. I could probably handle myself better.

When I saw two people I sort of know, I was drawn to them like a magnet. I stood by them making forced small talk through the door prize drawings, trying to think of witty and intelligent things to say. Wishing I knew them better. I saw many familiar faces as I glanced around, but no one I could say I really know. I was about to leave when I ran into the Town Coordinator. That is not her real title, but it might as well be, as she seems to put everything together. She urged me to return to the food table for more pudding and coffee. So I went back for a hot cup of coffee, I don't know why, really, perhaps because I was nervous and eager to please in whatever little way possible. That's when I ran into the Boss.

Now, during work hours, the Boss and I get along quite swimmingly. I bow to his authority and he, in turn, gives me great freedom. Or something like that. It's your basic casual work situation, and one of the reasons I like my job so much. But meeting the Boss in a social setting is... different. I find him to be an amicable person at work, so why wouldn't we have the same dynamic outside of the office? Of course, I ask that question as if I don't know, but I believe the answer is me. I am a completely awkward person when I am outside of my comfort zone. The office is my comfort zone. A Business After Hours where I know few people and the Boss knows everyone... Not so much. I wanted very much for him to introduce me to people, help break the ice in at least one conversation, something, anything. But everyone left after the door prizes anyway. And I did, too.

In a way, I'm glad the Boss doesn't do the introduction thing. It would be helpful to me, really, but I need to be able to handle myself on my own, without prodding from others. But I swear, in the moment, all I could think about was how sad and left out I must appear to everyone around. In actuality, I am probably the only one there who noticed how awkward and alone I was feeling.

After the After Hours event, I came home and readied myself for what would be my first live Paralegal Mastermind call with Vicki Voisin. I normally listen to the recording when she emails it out, but this week, I decided to do it in real time. If you are a paralegal, and you do not know Vicki, get to know her. Stop reading right this instant and make your way to the Paralegal Mentor website or her blog. Sign up for her newletter, her call, her classes, whatever you can. Then please come back and continue reading this post, and perhaps leave a comment that will make me feel better about having an awkward night.

Speaking of awkward nights, the Mastermind call is an interactive experience, where you can ask questions and make comments at various times throughout. Even via telephone, I had stage fright. I had to make myself press *6 to make the one comment I did, and I blubbered my way through it. But I did it. And Vicki graciously allowed me to self-promote Paralegalese, too.

I have two more possibly awkward, uncomfortable events coming up within the next week. The next one will be the Alabama Association of Paralegals, Inc. (a NALA affiliate) summer educational conference this weekend. I am looking forward to it, but I will not know one soul there. I expect I will be standing or sitting alone for much of the time, arguing with myself as to whether to approach someone for a conversation or remain set off, like a leper. I will force myself to meet people. And I will make silly conversation while striving to sound half-competent. I will probably ask weird questions. Or at least, they will come out of my mouth in a weird way. But I will expose myself to a greater community of paralegals in my state, and I may even make a friend or two.

Next Tuesday, I have been invited to the monthly meeting of the Baldwin County Association of Legal Professionals (a NALS affiliate). I expect to falter through introductions there, as well, and, since it is at a restaurant, a quiet and shy meal. But perhaps I will be able to coax my brave and confident professional persona out a bit to make a few friends and business acquaintances. Either way, I will be there, diving in head first to whatever awaits.

If you are able to pull anything from this post, reader, I hope it is that networking takes practice, that awkwardness is sometimes a necessary evil in order to achieve growth, and that if I can do it, so can you. If you are a new legal professional... if you are an experienced but shy legal professional... if you are in a non-legal profession, just get out there. Be awkward, be friendly, and most importantly, be there.